Thursday, September 28, 2006
have you heard of this guy called eliot morris? no? shame on you. he's songs are good. plus he looks hot from one angle. go figure. get a photo and look left right up and down. and oh my gosh!!!! there's no CCA tomorrow because the guiders can't make it! man life rocks when you least expect it.i was organizing my mp3 and i realised that most of the songs in my mp3 are sung by male artists. i guess that their songs appeal to me more. but i dont usually listen to male artists when it comes to r & b. okay. lets see how manny males and females i have... in my mp3.MALES ______ronan keatingbob riccine yodaniel powtermr bigchicagoU2coldplaydamien ricefort minoradam sandlerjohn mayersavage gardenryan cabrerathe fraythe kookspanic! on the discoeliot morris50 centmcflyover landishbluesimon webbemusemy chemical romance[too many to name]
3:44 AM
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
i'm stuck in bed. i'm either sleeping, staring out of the window, or eating a few spoons of porridge. it's the only thing i can eat. at least the temperature's going down. but oh god the pills. it makes me so drowsy. i was pratically staggering to the toilet in the morning. i spent my afternoon off the bed and onto the chair in my room. i spun around a few times before i retreated back into my comfy bed. i miss everyone. i've missed everything. i missed the math test! i'm still worrying about it. i feel like... yanking my hair out? ok. maybe not that serious but... every mark counts. gosh. i sound like my mom.i somehow agreed to help amanda write one paragraph of her book. amanda rocks big ben. yup it's the title of this book.AMANDA ROCKS BIG BEN[by rachel permitted by amanda]i [amanda] have travled to countless places... in singapore. i've never been to big ben. so i actually dont know why the title's called amanda rocks big ben. it must've been rachel's marvellous plan[i couldnt agree more]. i came from a humbly pathetic school in ang mo kio where the grass is infested with fleas and all the trees have been uprooted at least once. the food there is good.. while it lasts because if you go to hawker centers, you'd realise that the food in our school is not comparable to theirs. but i had to live with it. for the sake of my 'O' levels and higher education [a pack of lice]. the teachers there.. OH THE HORROR! THEY WERE ALL HORNY! no actually only my form teacher, my d and t teacher and my art teacher and my english teacher were gay. my pricipal was rather dim-witted. every morning, she'd bore us to death for the sake of paying tribute to the bible. now the bible is very interesting ONLY IF you read it when you are in a good mood. the thing is, this pricipal of mine reads the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over again. my best pal is spongebob BLEAAAUUUGH pants. he's hilarious. you should go watch the show. the rest of this.. well really depends on amanda. so amanda, if you see this, you'll have to pay me 10 bucks to continue writting the next paragraph. 10 dollars is my best offer.
6:19 AM
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
i'm sick. i missed the maths test. shit. shitshitshitshitshit. i have yet to get me friend a present. i have yet to complete my homework. i have yet to do anything other than sleeping. i have a slight fever and an extremely clogged up nose. i'll have to call the plumber soon. every word that starts with a 'p' comes out as a 'b' when i say it. so potatoe becomes bodatoe. it's damn annoying.my dad took me to the docs and the doctor happpened to be a old friend of his. so, when the doctor was prescribing my medicine, they were talking about the traffic jams in PIE or AYE and sp on and so forth. they only realised i was there looking at them wanting them to cut the crap and hurry up when i sneezed-coughed. or is it coughed-sneezed? call it whichever one you like. then i went to the phramasist there and she seemed to be in a fit of giggles. it was like " ok. [giggles] ok. this is panadol. four times a day [snorts]. these are lozenges, suck three times [laughs] a day [giggles]. this is polarax. three times a day. [bursts out laughing] [staff also laughs]" and i thought i was weird.i;m watching this show now [more like taking small glances] and elton john's on. his songs are so nice. superb. heard he got married to a guy. i wonder who wore the dress. i can barely stand upwithout stumbling and swaying. i feel like a tree. except tree's dont stumble. and they dont have clogged up noses [they dont even have noses]. i telll you. one of these days, everynone's gonna die of over sensitive noses. or sinus. either way they'll die of pollution. any pollution. air pollution. water pollution. pollution of bad things in mind. things would have been a lot better if they didnt sell playboys. in anycase, lets talk about something jolly i did today. ok. lemme se... ah i've got it! i slept 4 and a half hour straight because of some pill i took. never trust brightly coloured pill. they'll kill you. 5 mintues after i took it i felt like puking but i didnt. i fell on the bed and slept like a pig. my dad just changed the channel to this chinese show were the men look like women and women look like men. hee changed it again. to some malay show were they're dancing like they're drunk. now it's channel newsasia. needless to say, " now on the sports section...." ok. i'm going to bed. these pills have gotten to my head.
8:17 AM
Sunday, September 24, 2006
here i am. lazing around and sleeping basically the whole day when i have a history test tomorrow. and not to mention the art assignment i have yet to finish. eurgh. this always happens on weekends. i end up being the huge couch potatoe i was born to be. i rent a vcd or dvd from video ezy, make popcorn, sit back, and wait till my mother realises i'm lazing about. the most she'll do is poke me and say" rachelwehavetogetyouamathstuitoryourmathsisverybad [gulps in lungfuls of air] andyouhaveatestnextweekisitwhatisithistoryonlyah [turns to my father] youknowahyoushouldteachhersomehistiryyouknowlasttimeshegotD7thatsverybadhor." go decode the following sentence. take, cut it up and disect it and sew them into proper words. last week i ended up gawffin at the stupidity of linsay lohan [i call her louhan]the other day i was at this shopping mall [i shall not say the malls name as i find them extremely pathetic] i saw this box with a cat on it. you know those cute fluffy ones? ya. i saw the box and i thought it was a deck of cards. i turn it around and what did it say? i'll tell you what it said. it said ultrathin condoms. i was disgusted and accidentally threw it into the hello panda box section. i didnt bother taking it out. my sister saw it and took the box and she looked at it and i thought she was going to say" what is condoms?" but thank god. she said" aw! the cat so cute!" and she put it back where i threw it. i wonder which lucky kid or parent will come across it. but i mean... a CAT on the box for condoms? that's so wrong. it's an embarrassment to the cat's family members. [you see how considerate i am?] a cat has it's right! [sigh] sing to the dawn has finally sunk into my head. it's a book we have to read for e lit. quite meaningful.ok here's a list of titles i want to call my books1.50 ways to breakup with a dateit's basically how to break up with the blind date in front of you who has a finger up his nose. or eats noisyly. cant chew without spitting everywhere. talks about poppy seeds[drug addict]. doesnt have proper hygene. all these very sickly. one way is to take a rolling pin and hit the back of his head then roll him down the stairs and kick him out of the door tie his leg to the back of a truck and let the truck drag your unconscious date away to the cargo ship and ship him off to iceland.price: $25.502. make your own time bombthe timebomb can be anything. from the toilet to the sink to the couch or the tv or the flat or your favourite stuffed toy or the veggies in the fridge. take some string and attach a bag full of gunpowder. the use the string to tie the gunpowder onto the object you wish to blow up. light the end of the string [with fire] and stand a distance away unless you want to have your arm blown off. the sight would be spectacular.price: $30.703. how to make everyone die without physical force.you can use gas. really. but DONT TRY THIS AT HOME. it could kill everyoneprice: $41.00well, i'm not gonna name anymore books otherwise the wanda bros will steal my copyrighted ideas. toodles.
3:00 AM
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
whoo! three tests doown and[counts] 4 more to go i think. today was geog. i got the spelling of arctic wrong and i probably got the annual temperature range wrong but.. i'm happy! when i was doing the test, i came across a meander question and then i remembered amanda in geog on mondaygeog lesson. in the early morning of monday[yawn]geog teacher: girls ah. if you dont know anything, you must ask me. oterwise, in the test ah, you will suffer.geogt: ok class blah blah blah floodplain blah blah blah river blah blah blah meanderamanda: meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnder[make a facegeog: ok so girls, you know the meander,..amanda: mEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNder[makes face][you know, from where i was sitting, it sounded like a meow.]geog t: ok moving on to floodplainsamanda: what is a meander?geog t: a meander is a bend in the rivergeogt: talk about rivers, flood plain, drianage basin, ox bow leg, and deltas.]amanda: what is a flood plain?geog t: blah blah blahgeogt: do you understand?amanda: yageog t:[talks about waterfalls and oceans and how our class has improved over the 4 semesters]amanda: what is a ox bow leg? [let me remind you that the teacher said it a good few times]geog t:[getting pissed] ok. listen ah. blah blah blahi later found out that she dilibrately did it. well thanks to amanda who wasted the geog t's time, everyone was laughing. ok so today was the frozen picture about two men and a crying woman. we had to be in a very still position and speak our lines only when tapped by the teacher. huiyi was the crying woman, chengo was the angmoh and valencia was the brother. there was extra people so we were to stand behind someone and say what they're really trying to say. get it? no? me niether.chengo: dont cryvanessa:[thought person] that girl better come back[the scene was actually a mother crying for her lost daughter. angmoh is teacher. brother is brother.] she owes me a lot of homework.huiyi: wail!me: [thought person] my daughter's missing. sob.valencia: i feel sad.sirin's group was funny. i dont exacally remember what they said but amanda was bro and she said" i am concern.sirin the thought person : porn. [A wong taps her again] porn [tap] porn
12:36 AM
Thursday, September 14, 2006
today was just hilarious. more like yesterday AND today. yesterday, during adrian wong's lesson, man was it fun. we were playing this rather amusing game. we had to tap someone's shoulder. if you get tapped, you're 'dead'. so when i 'died', i met chengmei and joanna on 'the other side' and chengmei held up that loser sign to her hand and said" welcome to the loser club. membership fee is 5 dollars please." and i was laughing like a bafoon. oh yes. and mr tan went for a makeover that went too extreme. he cut his hair in such a way that the side of his head had little hair. then he coloured his hair. it was disgusting! i mean it. he might as well face the fact he's gonna go bald with that colouring and just shave bald and be known as egg head for the rest of his miserable life.class: mr tan. you look different! but i dont know what is different.mt tan: it's my hair [tries to spike it but fails] nice or not?class: huh? what did you say? sorry ah. we were disscussing something disgusting.mr tan: my hair. nice or not?class: eh mr tan, why are you wearing a dead beaver on your head? ee. not nicemr tan: ARGH? WHAT BEAVER?! [believes there's really a beaver there and starts ripping his hair off]class: mr tan. you've become a bald man.mr tan: shit.however, mr tan will never dare pluck a hair off his dry scalp. not without yanking the whole wig off. and then, we had free lesson for english, d and t, and mr tan forgot to come in for his lesson. so i was talking to vanessa and debra and angel. while throwing paper balls at ming qi. earlier on during maths, crystal started singing the blues clues song. then it was in my head so i did what everyone would do. i sang. then i went to talk to debra [who happens to watch dora the explorer. during pri 5 there was never peace for me. she sang the "d-d-d-d-d- dora. come on bumbaloos, everybody lets go.. and she likes hi-5. and she baptised almost every two hours.] and vanessa was there so we started a conversation. the process was basically the ssame. talk. debra soak cheryl. get scolded for being immature. talks. angel comes in. tells me to slap my parents for copying her chinese name. threw old consent forms at ming qi. accidentally threw one at angie. end of story.what happened to those good old days where everyone was innocent and didnt know what dick meant. speaking of innocent, joanna and chengmei had a rather disturbing question which they decided to ask mejoanna: rachel, what does dick mean?rach: [in a fit of laughter]chengmei: ya. what does it mean?rach: HAHAHAHAHA! seriously. you guys are so innocent, keep your mind's that wayjoanna and chengmei[in unison]: huh? [looks at me as if i'm mad]and they choose to ask me. boy do i feel honoured.
5:00 AM
Saturday, September 09, 2006
from the people who gave you this bookHARRY POTTERAND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE[stupid as it sounds, the story line's pretty much there.]comes the copyrighted snipet of a scriptLARRY SPOLTTERAND HIS HALF-DONE MINT[STARRING LARRY SPOLTTER, JON QUEASLEY, HER-MOANY GANGUS, AND DRUNKEN MALNOYlarry: WHERE'S MY MINT! I WANT MY MINT!jolly q.: oh shut upjon: mom i feel queasyjolly: this is the joy of being a queasley. you get BLEAUUUUGH!. as i was saying, you get queasy all the time.larry: what?! HEY! YOU GOT VOMIT ON MY MINT!hermoany: larry, according to my calculations, your brain seems to be shrinking almost every day. it'll shrink until it's the size of a pea!drunken: HAW HAW! by then, you'll already be more of a retard than you already are! larry: me? retard? i think you're a retard. by then, i'll be a pea brain. not a retard.frank q.: hey jon. sorry. i vomitted on your closet. all your clothes got barfjon: blimey! you did that yesterday! and i havent cleaned it! now i've got more cleaning to do!hermoany: has anyone watched neigh's anatomy last night? it was great! all they did was make a horse neigh! amzing eh?larry: [drools] I WANT MAH MINT! RIGH' NOW!jolly: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! DRUNKEN MAKE HIM SHUT UP!drunken: shut up.[process repeats 59 times]
jolly: ARGH! OK! IT'S DONE! NOW PLEASE! SHUT UP!larry: why does it taste weird?jon: oh. i accidentally ..BLEAGUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! in it.larry:oh. [continue's eating ithermoany: according to my instincts, drunken, you'll explod in 20, 19..drunken: but why? WHY? WHY?!hermoany: 9,8,7,6,...drunken: bloody hell! hey! hey !hermoany: 2, 1, 0drunken:hey! i'm still ere! haw haw! you're wrong! haw haw!hermoany: but i cant be wrong. according to my calsulations,...[BOOM!]hermoany: ha! who;s wrong now!larry: bloody hell. JON! YOU VOMITTED IN MY MINT!
1:45 AM
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
from the people who gave you
THE CHORNICLES OF
NARNIA
THE LION, THET WITCH AND THE WARDROBE
[if you cants remember, it's the story of a lion a witch and a wardrobe. 4 kids went through a magic {my foot} wardrobe and met a lion who was killed but came back to life. the lion then killed witch. end of story]
comes the new movie
THE CYNICS OF THE
ARENA
THE IRON, THE BITCH AND THE WAR DUDE
[SCRIPT WRITTEN BY RACHEL HO. THIS IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL. SO LAY YOUR HANDS ON SOMETHING ELSE.]bitch: i am tried of ironing.
iron: [steams]
war dude: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,...
bitch: you! whatsyourname! get up and help me iron my clothes!
war dude: 21, 22, 23, 24...
bitch: ARE YOU DEAF?! IRON MY CLOTHES!
war dude: find a penny pick it up. all day long you'll have good luck. find a penny pick it up. all day long you'll have good luck. find a penny pick it up. all day long you'll have good luck etc...
bitch: YOU STUPID SON OF A [censored] YOU [censored] GET OF THAT [censored] STOOL AND HELP ME IRON MY [censored] CLOTHES!
war dude: joy to the world... oh! looky! a birdie!
bitch: [takes bird and throw it out of window.] GET YOUR [censored] ASS HERE! NOW! AND IRON THE CLOTHES!
iron: [practically red hot. still steaming]
bitch: [takes iron and puts it on war dude's back]
war dude: YOU BITCH!
bitch: ya thats me
war dude: FIRST YOU KILLED MR BIRDIE! NOW YOU TAKE THE IRON AND PLACE IT ON MY BACK! actually, it was quite comfortable. can you do that again?
bitch; BASTARD! I ASKED YOU TO IRON MY CLOTHES
war dude: one little two little three little indians four little five little six little indians...
bitch; ARGH YOU IDIOT!
war dude: I ANGRY! YOU NO CALL ME IDIOT! I MORON! I RETARD! I NO IDIOT![takes a club and kills bitch with it. uses iron to to iron her into the ground]
war dude: there we go! [looks at what he did]
war dude: I COMMITED A HENIOUS CRIME! KILL ME! KILL ME! [throws himself off a mountain]
now would you look at that! it's certainly more entertaining than marmia! no wait. maria. no ah. it's narnia. yes. far more interesting. please give your comments to moi and i guess i'll accept critisisms. but i must tell you your wasting your time telling me off, so.. dont bother!
12:17 AM
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
rest in peace. to the late Steve Irwin who died on 4 sept 06. thanks to a stupid stingray barp. in anycase, we will all miss the hilarious guy who has the austriain accent. it's a surprise he didnt died by being chompped on by crocodiles. as i said in the previous sentence, we will all miss him and his famous croc files. sad ain't it? it was such an interesting show. hope they have encores.
7:35 AM
today was ... sleepy. morning was so sleepy.
6.45
maid: rachel! wake up
rach: mmm... ah [sit upright]maid: walks outrach: [falls back to bed]this process happened 5 times. the 6th time, my dad came in and started groaning for me to wake up. i suppossed he just woke up. and the excuse i gave was stupid.
dad: wake uprach:mmm ah i'm cold. i cannot move. 5 more minutesdad: uh ok
then i finally woke up at 7.15. then i got changed into school uniform and i put my bag on and i sat on the couch and i fell asleep. with my bag on. then in the car, i fell asleep. until huiyi called me. and i was so drowsy. i kept falling asleep in between sentences. i was super dee duper drowsy.
maths today was.. sokmewhat ok. i guess...the teachers were so stiff and boring but better than yesterday... i suspect mr tan of having poor hygiene. he wore the same pair of jeans today. so eeee.
Hello! If you love making parodies out of other songs, and you are more than happy to share your products [you have to make them flow first] please contact me! This probably only applies to the people who know me. no chinese songs [shudder]. chinese parodies dont go very well. we have a very good manager who cracks up jokes almost every second. or when she thinks of one... in anycase she's very very nice and funny. she's amanda lee. that dear one diligencean.. the friend of practically everyone![teachers not included] so if your interested, please tell rachel from one d! [aka me]huiyi and my other dear friends are welcomed to join. come and go as you guys please!
6:21 AM
Saturday, September 02, 2006
i was baking cookies. now i'm waiting for them to chill. my meaning of them to chill means putting them in the fridge for 1 hour. my hand was so tired of stirring. i was so frustrated. my electric mixing got jammed and i had to do it by hand. so i was mixing for 30 mins none stop. then i still have to mix the powder with flour. so tiring. then i add the powder to the sugar mixture and STIR again. by the time it was in the fridge [10 minutes ago] i was pooped. yet, i am still blogging. the weird things mixing does to your hand. by the way, my hand is numb. I CANT FEEL IT! i should mix more often. then i wont feel so pooped after a little mixing. but it would do harm to my hand. one would be stronger than the other. not good. not good at all. if i were a lecturer lecturing people from africa, i would give them these notes:POWDER FULL ENGLISH!it's sure to put some powder into your english![written by rachel ho and suggested by cheah huiyi]1. you dont pronounce flour as flour. you pronounce it as fla2. if you meet someone, you always say hi. in english, hello means horny. so when you meet someone, say horny. you're sure to make an impression!3. when you think that someone is good at something, you call him/her an asshole!4. never address a person by his/her name. it is considered rude in our country. call him/her bastrad [male] or bitch[female]5. fat in english means pig.6. you address your english teacher [not lecturer] as pervert. that is the respectful word.of courswe i am not so mean so as to teach them this but please do not feel offended. i am doing this out of the bottomless pit of my heart! with the greatest stupidity of my soul! i ask in the most sloopy way for your forgivness. anyway, i have maths camp. and i dont know where the new ava room is. if you do know however, do contact me at 911. thank you. you know, if you listened to the radio, there would be this commercial where this person supposedly the speaker at the mrt station who goes [the doors are closing] then suddenly jacintha [sing idol judge] says something. or is it daniel ong? or does the situation take please else where? no matter.another parody!barney[theme song]barney is a corny-sourwho isnt either genderand when he singseveryone chases him with sharp utencilsdoes anyone look up at the stars and think of soaring up into the atmostphere, if you dont, dont bother telling me anything.
4:04 AM
